How to get men to love Church (part 1)

August 31, 2010

This post – originally a talk at the New Wine National Leader’s event, has recently been published in Sorted magazine.

I stopped going to church as soon as I had a choice. In my early teens my parents decided they’d only ever gone out of occasional religious duty and were going to stop. They said I had a choice as to whether I went. Starsky and Hutch were on, no-brainer.

Years of fun, sin and regret in pretty much equal measure prevailed until at twenty-one I came to know Jesus after an undeniable experience of meeting him; a story for another day.

Even though I now saw myself as a Christian I probably still wouldn’t have bothered with church if not for a couple of clergymen who bust the stereotype for me early on; Neil was the first. He accepted me where I was at- a copper who grew up on a council estate now working a rough Manchester central beat. When I came to the little Bible study group I’d been invited to he laughed at my (colourful to say the least) jokes and inappropriate remarks rather than making me feel terrible or expecting me to feel bad for just being me. I wanted to be like Neil.
Alan was amazing. What I liked about Alan was that he was a man – and a man of God. United fan. Generous, funny, too humble – and you knew he loved you. I wanted to be like Alan. It’s men like that who got me not just to go to church, but to stay there, stick at it, and not just moan or leave but do my best to make it better.

The church has a problem, Houston. Over the last twenty years 38% of believing men left the church. Believing men – deciding they still believe but don’t want to go to church anymore! So we are facing a crisis before we even think about connecting more effectively with men like many who read Sorted but are still not at all sure about this Jesus stuff. It’s like running the taps without the plug in.

The person most likely to regularly go to church in this country according to the Tear Fund research report is a black, professional middle class woman, over 60. We all love Moira Stewart so that’s great. But where are the blokes?

Gender Gap Widening
In the UK the ratio of women to men in church is 65% to 35%, but far too few churches have anything like 35% of men regularly attending. Worse news than the Coalition budget? The gender gap is widening – and the less men you get, especially young men, the less people generally you get. In the last 20 years 49% of men under 30 left the UK church!
Now does that mean British men are not that interested in spiritual things? Maybe we just point to the parable of the sower and decide that men are generally hard soil, while black, middle class, middle aged women are good soil? (It’s their fault, not the church’s fault in other words). We can’t get away with that, because there is no gender gap in Islam, Buddhism, Judaism or Hinduism. In fact in all those other religions there are MORE men than women! Men are interested in spiritual things, and I maintain that there’s no message to compete with gospel truth, so why is it not reaching the average British bloke?

Peter Williamson - Mr Average?

Mr Average
Peter Williamson’s wife put him forward for the title for a Channel 4 Documentary, and I know not all of this will apply to him (or you) as I’ve cobbled it together from various sources the average British man…

Had 8 sexual partners before he got married in his early thirties,
Has two children
Drives a Ford Fiesta
Is 5ft 9in
Owes £9k of unsecured debt
Has size 10 feet, a 40 inch chest and a 35 inch waist
Weighs 13 stone
Owns 16 pairs of underpants – this being the only item of clothing he buys with confidence.
Spends one month of his life looking for lost socks
Says ‘Sorry’ 1.9 million times in his lifetime
Considers himself working class
Reads the Sun
Has sex eight times a month, but thinks about it thirteen times a day…
(which explains a lot)
Can cook at least four meals, including spaghetti Bolognese
Has at least one Harry Potter novel in his house
Watches three hours of TV a day,
Uses the bathroom six times a day,
Is one inch taller than the average Frenchman
Will die of a heart attack at 76
His most popular conversational subject is sport, then work, after that politics and economics, or disputes about abstract ideas such as How The World Began.
He believes in God…

But most men completely by-pass church! Even in a crisis, few of them think Church might be the place to go anymore, they’ll go to the fridge and TV, or feel better at the pub or the match or sitting on their own fishing. They see Church as a place that according to a BBC Radio survey is for wimps, women and irrelevant. Church as we are generally doing it, is generally repulsive which means the opposite of attractive to men.

The Repulsive Church
You might not like the word repulsive? The Dictionary states the word means – “Causing aversion, having the ability to repel.’ I was disturbed but not surprised by the recent survey conducted by Sorted and CVM that found men would feel more at home in a ladies lingerie dept than to go to church.

So how did a faith founded by a Man and His twelve male (mostly working class) disciples, who were told to be ‘Fishers of men’ become fairly popular with older women, but repulsive to the average man? If you go to church, or especially if you lead one – are you part of the problem or part of the solution? Are you a fisher of men or is your church repulsive to men?

Nineteenth century Baptist preacher Charles Spurgeon said, “There has got abroad a notion, somehow, that if you become a Christian you must sink your manliness and turn milksop.” When I was at theological college I saw a strange thing happen, as those who came to train as church leaders started out fairly normal, but learned how to do the concerned face and by the end of training have a particular voice –you know what that sounds like unless you do it – you learn a particular tonality that nobody else but clergy talk like. The good news? You can UNLEARN that too, if you want to connect to the average man you’d better! While we’re at it, unlearn using words and having arguments about things nobody in the real world gives a toss about.

I’m not going to go into detail about what some writers have listed as being what puts men off church, the feminisation argument – because they are often very sweeping and generalising, and I know there are exceptions. No doubt someone will tell me that your church is led by an all woman team, and that in the pastel coloured room a flower arranging, hymn singing crèche group at your church is packed full of hairy legged blokes in their twenties.
But listen if you will to David Murrow who gives one big reason why men hate going to church – it’s not ‘because of all the women,’ but because the men there aren’t really men. That’s the perception at least.

He says most men have a religion: MASCULINITY – they are serious students of what it is to be a man, disciples of other men on TV or sports or whatever, wanting to work out what it is to be a man, whatever that is, and they don’t see the church has having any answers to that.

Tough, earthy, working guys rarely come to church. High achievers, alpha males, risk takers, and visionaries are in short supply. Fun-lovers and adventurers are also underrepresented in church. These rough-and-tumble men don’t fit in with the quiet, introspective gentlemen who populate the church today. The truth is, most men in the pews grew up in church. They enjoy participating in comforting rituals that have changed little since their childhood. There are also millions of men who attend services under duress, dragged by a mother, wife, or girlfriend. Today’s churchgoing man is humble, tidy, dutiful, and above all, nice.”

That’s what Murrow says the unconscious message the church is giving to church, come and be nice. Oh and if you really want to be really nice it would be awfully nice if you could help cut the grass in the graveyard. The nice message is repulsive.

Jesus said, “If any man would come after me, let him take up his cross and die.” That’s not nice. It’s the verse that brought me to faith.


Lynn Swart’s talk at Ivy Mcr on Acts 20

August 9, 2010

These notes I took during the talk form discussion  for Ivy Grow Groups if you’re still meeting through summer….

What happened in Acts is not just about what happened, but what can happen today!

When we read Acts it is all about journeys – remember that we are on a journey too. Every day – sometimes we get stuck!

Discuss: Where are you on your journey right now? anyone stuck? Pray for one another.

Our journey at Ivy as a community is marked by Knowing, Growing & Going in God. That’s our missionary journey as a community.

We are all full time! Full time workers for the church & kingdom, some of us get paid for that. Some don’t.

Discuss: Do you agree? Should ANYONE get paid for Christian ministry?

The resource we cannot do without? The Holy Spirit! Lynn says it’s great to open the day by saying, ‘Good morning, Holy Spirit,’ every day. Invite his leading. Don’t just ask him to be with me, let him lead!

There is still a voyage of discovery – however long we’ve been following.

Keep steady in God – by knowing him, Christ in me.

Acts 20:1&2 (Read)

Uproars still happen. Idols don’t like being cast down.

Nb. this word – Encouraging! Parakaleo = come alongside and call out…

Do you love to encourage others? Come alongside & Call the greatness out of those around you?
We need people around us who will instil confidence in each other- because it is tough- but God is for us! We either believe that fully or not at all. ‘If God is for us who can be against us?’

Encouraging means ‘strengthen in purpose.’ believing that this person can make a difference.

Are we looking out for one another, lifting each other up? Not competing or even comparing. – without expectation of reward or recognition.

We need encouragement from God.

“The enemy wants to take you out at the ankles. God wants to take you out at the knees.” Do you let that happen first?

We need to speak encouragement to ourselves. Build altars of remembrance. Where I say, ‘Thus far the Lord has helped me…’

Tell stories of encouragement to one another. Prophesy over one another, naturally. Pray for one another. Take the opportunity to speak goodness and purpose into one another, rather than being quick to voice problems. I already know what my weaknesses & problems are! I need someone to say, ‘I see this in you..God’s doing this..’

? Take some time in the group doing this? Tell stories of encouragement!

Then there’s the Eutychus incident. He fell out of the window & dies. Vs 7-11. Paul speaks life – to the community! ‘don’t be alarmed’ by what you see with the natural eye.

Jesus is still the resurrection!

Community is so important. We cant do this journey alone. We need community. Ages mixed together.

Prophetic word via Dennis Wakefield was read out out by Lynn. This is on the church website.

I can’t watch my back, I need someone at my back!

Communion. Remember who is our life.


Diamond Geezers: Finances – It Pays To Think About Your Money.

July 29, 2010

I’m prepping for some talks at New Wine North – they’ve kindly asked me to do a number of seminars including one this coming Sunday on ‘Money and Finances.’

In my forthcoming book Diamond Geezers there’s a chapter on Finances, so it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot. And it pays to think about money!

Ever heard people say, “Well I don’t want to be rich – all those rich people are miserable anyway?” Well most of them aren’t. Not the ones I’ve met – and I have met a number of the richest people in this nation. Because while the Bible warns us not to put our TRUST in riches but in God, properly looking after what God gives you and having money gives you margin- options.

I’ll tell you what misery is with regard to finances. There have been times in my life when I have spent everything till I had next to nothing. Or I overextended on debt. My financial plan was ‘hope for the best.’ Blaming everyone else for my stupidity.

On his way to debtors prison, Mr. Micawber, in Charles Dickens’ David Copperfield, summed up financial misery, and its cause:

Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.


One day I asked myself the big question; who taught me to borrow money? And I began to back away from debt as much as possible. It was a choice. Personal finance is 80% about choices. If I can just get some control on the idiot I shave with every morning.

I started looking at what Bible has to say. Financial wisdom is all over that book. Most of it is just common sense. But nothing is as uncommon as common sense. It’s plain and simple, easy to understand – but hard to APPLY.

It boils down to what’s called stewardship. Stewardship means looking after what belongs to another. In times past under the feudal system, there was a man who managed all the business issues for the Lord of the castle. He did okay and was provided for as long as he reminded himself every day – however much he got to control: “This isn’t mine. I’m NOT and owner, I’m just a steward.” Because if you owned it, you’d get to keep it. But as John Ortberg reminds us, one day, “It all goes back in the box.”

Jesus famously said, “Store up treasures in heaven . . .” Why? Because it’s right? No, because it’s wise! Because there it will last. It won’t be consumed by moths, rust, thieves. Good stewards have an eye on the money, and an eye on eternity.

Stewardship means I get to be a manager of God’s stuff. Which is great, because God is LOADED. So I can make big plans trusting his provision – if he says GO, his provision will always follow. (Don’t wait for it to all come up front, it ain’t that kind of a deal). When I wake up. When I look at my bank statement, when I make a spending or saving decision. I have to remind myself: “You don’t own anything –it’s all his.” That’s stewardship. And we slip away from that.

We don’t own anything – God owns it all. Can he trust you with what he gives you? Jesus said, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? If you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own?

Get that in your spirit. It’s not MY MONEY. I’m just a manager! It’s not my wife, my future, my body – I’m just a manager.


VIDEO – the year of multiplication

May 28, 2010

Last Sunday was another history maker for our church, as we met five times, in three venues!

As a result we had a record number of attendances, on an otherwise ‘normal’ Sunday (ie. not Christmas/ a festival etc).

And I just had a great talk with someone about a possible city centre venue too for later in the year. Push a door, God may open it – plant a seed, see what grows! When you overstretch, God will fill in the gaps.

Click through to http://vimeo.com/12104687 for our short video about Ivy Manchester’s year of multiplication.


‘IMPRESS THE LADS WITH YOUR WORLD CUP KNOWLEDGE.’

May 19, 2010

Here’s my World Cup quiz. (Like the Irish Times prize crossword once, answers at bottom of pg.)

1. Who was England’s football manager in the 1970 World Cup?
2. In which World Cups did Bryan Robson appear?
3. Who scored England’s dying seconds winner in the 1990s World Cup?
How did you do? Anyone score a hat trick?

The world of men is split roughly in two. Some blokes would know all the answers to those questions, or at least take an informed guess. Then there’s ones like me. I only know the answers because I pinched the questions off the internet. In fact. I’ve already forgotten the answers. If I was in your pub quiz team I’d have to sneak a look at my Iphone in the loo – or wait for the 80s music round while trying to look as if I had the foggiest.

Being from Manchester, this has disadvantaged me man and boy. I always got my Macaris mixed up with my McIlroys , while the reds I was at school with always knew the line up, manager’s name and which brand of gum they chewed in the 81-82 season- for every team in leagues I’d never heard of. Others wearing sky blue had their team’s full collection of ’20 Greatest Throw In’ videos. But I’m more like that bloke in the pub in the Fast Show who tries manfully to join in with football conversation and then, “I’ll get me coat.”

Since coming back to the rainy city my mate Andy – who knew all three answers above – has declared his mission now is to make me a better United fan (not many of us actually come from Manchester so it’s good to stick together). I’m afraid it’s a losing battle.

I was put off footie for years while working in the cops because it became just a place where you had to fight drunks, but now I have to say I like watching football. I can even get embarrassingly excited, but (I am ashamed to admit it), I couldn’t tell you the score of the last game I watched. My brain doesn’t work like that. No - don't tell me, it's er...

Lots of men are like this when it comes to things religious, and the Bible in particular. It’s a big book – where do you start? Pick a page at random and it gets worse. All those weird names, and places with funny names. There’s a book called Numbers but that’s full of names too! All a bit boring – very confusing – and there’s nothing men like less than not appearing to know something about anything, so let’s blag it, like people do about Shakespeare.

Wasn’t Joseph married to Mary? Didn’t he sing in that West End musical in a nice coat? One teenager in our church was recently overheard saying Jesus was ‘the carpet-fitter of Nazareth.’

Some guys I talk to have more of an idea than that, even a few bits from school RE. Lots have a wife, friend or colleague so far advanced in this kind of knowledge you know you’ll never catch up – so you’ve given up. Your brain just can’t hold that sort of information.

I have good news for you. Christianity is not a bible trivia quiz, it’s a relationship.
When some people came to Jesus – these religious scholars knew the whole of the Old Testament back to front, – but he said, “You diligently search the scriptures…but refuse to come to me for eternal life.” They knew all kinds of trivia, but the star player was standing right in front of them and they missed him.

Here’s what I have found. If I spent more time learning football statistics it might make me a better fan, but the more I study the Bible, I become a better man. Because the Bible’s not just a story. It’s God’s message about how he’s rescuing the world one life at a time, and the part you play in that. Not just as a spectator, but as a player on his team!
At the end of your life, when all the trophies are forgotten, God’s not going to ask you to name all Ten Commandments (answers in Exodus 20), but he will ask, “When you broke them, did you come to the only One who can fix you? My Son, Jesus?”

God’s not going to ask you to name all Twelve Apostles (and who replaced Judas on the first team – answers in Matthew 10 and Acts 1). He’s going to ask, “Did you know… ME?”
The answer to that question will decide a lot more than who buys the next round.

ANSWERS: 1. Sir Alf Ramsey 2. 1982, 1986, 1990. 3. David Platt.

(This article is featured in the latest edition of Sorted magazine – get it now!)


J John on the future

March 3, 2010

My friend J. John was asked by Charisma Magazine in the USA to respond to the question:What will life be like for the church in 2020? He sent me a peek at his reply and it makes for fascinating and insightful reading.


Heading towards financial, moral and social bankruptcy it is hard to be optimistic about the future of Britain. Yet amid the gloom, I see rays of encouragement and hope. My predictions?

· The continuing decline in ‘Churchianity’ will lead to a void in which a genuine Christian faith will stand out clearly.
· The current affection for hedonism, consumerism and secularism will be maintained, but there will be a growing realisation that they do not satisfy.
· While the decline of the formal, traditional, institutional churches will continue there will be significant mega-churches in all the major cities that will be the new ‘cathedrals’ and a rapid rise in small, fluid fellowships.
· As society becomes colder, more detached and increasingly virtual, the attraction of authentic, caring, Spirit-filled fellowships will be compelling.
· As ‘book culture’ wanes there will a loss of biblical knowledge that will leave the church vulnerable to fads and heresies. This will be balanced by a growth in Christians who will hold to God’s word with a new seriousness.
· The failure of ‘multicultural’ philosophy and political correctness will produce some urban areas as no-go zones for evangelism. Nevertheless, there will a growing number of Christians, churches and martyrs.

It’s not going to be boring! And God is still on His throne.

J.John
www.philotrust.com


Lindz West of Lz7 on the skills of Evangelism

February 28, 2010

Lindz from Lz7 teaching on being an effective evangelist.

Manchester is his adopted city, he is a missionary to Manchester! Sept 27th his ‘this little light’ song will be released.

The government are right behind it: ‘Shine’ campaign = film young people doing something good. Put it on the website.
Momentum is building!

He has been doing evangelism full time for ten years. Employed by Luis Palau festival to preach to their youth, some massive crowds.

But the tough stuff is When you go onto a classroom etc with his work through the Message – there are walls to be broken down

Mk 1;17

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.

Ever been fishing!? Hard work! Chucking out the net is dirty work, and you need some skills, but ordinary people can do it.

When he did a sports science degree – he learned a definition of SKILL.

Skill is a learned ability to bring about a predetermined result with maximum certainty often with minimal outlay of time, energy or both.

So: do your work:,be prepared in advance! To be relevant to who you’re reaching.

Know your audience, be all things to all people to save some. What’s going to work best for this person?

Know your testimony. Be ready!

Break down a barrier!
Eg., body language. We communicate a massive amount non verbally.
Hand gestures: do you tend to point (aggressive) or use open hands?
If people are closed arms & legs, you need to change them from being closed.
Eye contact – use a visual sweep.

Don’t shuffle about in an uncertain way: the gospel is something you can stand on.
Stand confident in your faith.
In schools you learn at the sharp end. Any questions time!? That’s tough apologetics.
God has said to him, if you fail 7 times, get up 8 times!

When Lindz was in new York, ended up he ‘just happened’ to meet Chris Moyles. It took till 2am till the conversation turned to God. If Chris Moyles comes to Manchester, he will visit Ivy!

And it happened because the conversation turned to the opportunity.

Are you willing to be interrupted? Like Jesus was with Zaccheaus.


More blessed to give than receive

February 27, 2010

I just received a letter and picture for the fridge from one of the kids we sponsor through Compassion UK. Tucked away between the prayers for us and news of football games was this – ‘please read Acts 20:35′

Not a verse I know by heart – I looked it up. And then I found I did know it:

…remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’

I once heard of a Bishop who preached, “Jesus said – and I think he was right…’

Well, I know he’s right!

The apostle Paul knew that too and recalls in this passage words spoken by Jesus which are not recorded in any of the gospels; words that shaped the early church’s thought and practice – and helped it make such an impact! It was said of the early Christians, “They share their food but not their beds.” They were sexually pure but promiscuous in generosity!  They lived like that because they had their eyes on another destination.

Jesus said, “Store up treasures in heaven . . .” Why? Because it’s wise! Because whatever we have given to help the poor or invested in building God’s kingdom will last. It won’t be consumed by moths and rust and thieves.  But you’ll never see a hearse pulling a trailer. 

A friend of mine is an independent financial adviser. He says, “When it come to your money don’t just think just 3 days ahead, or 3 months or 3 years. Think 30 years.” Jesus Christ says, “Don’t just ask, how will this investment be paying off in thirty years. Ask, how will this investment be paying off in thirty million years?”

C. T. Studd left being England cricket captain to reach out to needy people in the mission field he famously said this…“One short life, ’twill soon be past, only what’s done for Christ will last.”

I have some bad news. I have a terminal disease! I’m going to die!

Even worse news? You have the same disease! You’re going to die too!

The disease is called mortality. One day, sooner than any of us would like to  think, we’ll each stand before our Lord, the Audience of One. He’ll call us to account for how we’ve stewarded our lives and our resources here.

If your treasures are in heaven….good news. Heaven is coming! All Hell can’t going to stop it. Anything you’ve put in God’s hands – for his work-  is safe. Anything you haven’t – isn’t going to last.

Jesus said, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” He’s saying, “Show me your chequebook and bank statement, I’ll show you where your heart is. Your heart follows your money.”

Want a heart for Pork Bellies? Put your money there! Want a heart for Tesco? Buy shares! Want a heart for God? A heart for what matters most to Him? A heart bigger than your next acquisition? Put your treasures where God is at work! Want a heart for your church? Invest your money in your church’s ministry. Then, put your treasures in mission work – reaching the poor. Want a heart for street kids? Invest… every day there are opportunities to buy up more shares in God’s kingdom!

Five minutes after we die, we’ll know exactly how we should have lived. But then it’ll be too late to go back and change anything! God has given us his Word so we don’t have to wait until we die to know how we should have lived. There’s no second chance for the unbeliever – AND no second chance for the believer!

You and I have one short life on earth to invest in heaven. Let’s not miss the opportunity! Here’s a great prayer: May what will be most important to me five minutes after I die, become most important to me now.

Alfred Nobel, a Swedish chemist, made his fortune by inventing dynamite and other powerful explosives. When Nobel’s younger brother died in an experiment, a newspaper accidentally printed his obituary instead. He was described as a man who became rich from enabling people to kill each other. Shaken by this assessment, Nobel wrote a will which resolved to use his fortune to reward accomplishments that benefited humanity, including what we now know as the Nobel Peace Prize.

Nobel had a rare opportunity – to look at the assessment of his life at its end, while he still had time to change it. While we live on earth – God is so gracious- it’s the land of second chances.

Put yourself in Nobel’s place. Read your own obituary, not as written by uniformed or biased people, but as an onlooking angel might write it from heaven’s point of view. Look at it carefully. Then let’s use the rest of our lives to edit that obituary into what we really want it to be.

To live each day with the knowledge that every moment we get closer to death, we get closer to our treasures – rather than further from them.


Pastors R Us! Debra Green evening talk

February 14, 2010

Debra Green : Equipped. Pastors r us?

What is the pastor gift? Shepherding? Can mean someone with divine enabling of others, taking responsibility to model & establish trust, lead, protect those within our span of care.

We can’t abdicate caring to pastors who are paid. We all should take responsibility to respond to need.
Pastoral care; 4 things to remember- CARE

C. Compassion. It starts here! Jesus looked at the crowd and had compassion. He saw they were hungry. Went to meet the need. Went to rescue the lost sheep. Moved to reach out. In your gut, you are moved toward a need. Splancnizomai. Not just a sense of duty, it’s more powerful. Break my heart for what breaks yours. We don’t all have the same concern about the same things & that’s OK.  Sometimes we just have to get involved, being spontaneously compassionate. You don’t need permission or a word from God to do that. But bigger issues, like ‘should I go to Haiti?’ we need to check that and run through a bigger filter.
A. Aid (or Action). It’s not just a fluffy feeling – go to work! Cf Good Samaritan. Lk 10. Compassion got him to cross the road. He was a neighbour because he showed mercy. He came to his Aid, a stranger! There were all kinds of reasons why we has the last to be expected to help but he was there, doing what was needed: for a stranger: Mt 25:35-40. We are doing it as unto Jesus! He receives it himself. As a church we are to extend our pastoral care beyond the walls of the church! When someone dies, what can you do? Best thing is just be there with them & be kind. Send notes. Help practically. Offer to pray, sensitively! Give them space too.
R. Relationships. Jn 19:26 Jesus is in agony on the cross, he has nothing more he can give it seems, but then he sees his mother & best friend. Says, ‘Mother- here is your son.’ thinks of them above himself. Putting people together. We have to love & care for people. The bigger the church, it’s easier for people to fall through the net. Ring the person who’s missing, tell them you missed them! Nobody will be attracted to a church where there’s no love. People long for extnded family.
E. Empathy. So much more than sympathy. It’s a rich thing. Hebrews 4:15 , says Jesus knows how we feel, fully. So, he can fully empathise with us when we struggle. You can say, ‘I know someone who is able to know how you feel.’ in fact, when you have been through something – God can use you to help others with the same or similar pain or experience. You may have wondered why God allowed it? It’s valid to ask that. But one day you see it.

How to deal well with conflict in church.
10 steps
1. Come to me privately if you have a problem with me.
2. I’ll come to you privately
3. If someone comes to you with a problem about me, send them to me
4. If someone consistently will not come to me, say, ‘let’s go together.’
5. Be careful how you interpret me, i would rather do that myself! You might not fully understand my intentions.
6. I will be careful how I interpret you
7. If its confidential, don’t tell even one petson unless it will lead to harm to someone or danger.
8. I do not read unsigned notes, don’t bother sending them.
9. I do not manipulate, I will not manipulate, don’t let anyone manipulate you to try to manipulate me.
10. If in doubt, just say it. If I can answer without misrepresenting something or breaking a confidence, I will.

Pastoral care is just caring for everyone who God brings into your world. It’s not just for the church!


From Trash to Treasure

February 2, 2010

I happened upon a link today from Fast Company’s twitter feed which is well worth a read, about three ways to make gold out of garbage.

I was particularly grabbed by the third way. It’s all about someone seeing ‘worthless junk’ and reimagining it – better. Follow the link to Matt Brown’s own page and he tells us how he saw these old plastic horses in a junk store bargain bucket, repackaged and rebranded them  as “Night Horses” – like, ‘Nugget the life liver,” and “Sotirius, the silent Duke.”

I love it! It’s just like what God does with us! This designer says he gives the objects a story of significance again. It’s part of a project called Significant Objects.

We might feel worthless, neglected, useless or left out. But the Bible says to Christ followers that we should “think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are...”

It’s not our strengths, our cleverness, our influence or power that qualify us to speak for Him or stand for Him. But God reaches into the rubbish bins and bargain buckets of the world, to people otherwise without hope and without God in the world – who need a new story to be told.

He gives them a new name, he calls us ‘Son.’ ‘Daughter.’

He calls you ‘Glorious beloved, lovely and loved, useful and trustworthy and precious in my sight.’

And we ARE what He calls us.