My book The BEST Marriage-Why Settle For Less? has just been released worldwide.
I wrote it for people thinking about getting married one day, or if you’re already married I wanted to help whether you’re loving it or kind of losing it or even living to regret it! The single best predictor of human happiness is social relationship quality.
Dr Gary Chapman who wrote the blockbuster best seller The Five Love Languages in his endorsement of this book says it ‘points the way to a better marriage’.
Nicky and Sila Lee who founded The Marriage Course said
But I’m not claiming to be a guru. I’m just trying to keep learning from my mistakes!
I have been married to Zoë now for over 12,000 days. The “BIG DAY” was in July 1987, and when I think back to that day when I smiled so much my cheeks were sore I smile again at how in love, how excited, and how naïve we were!
And so often people put a lot of focus, money, time and energy into that BIG DAY, but less into what you do for all the little days after.
So after years of counselling people preparing for marriage or struggling to get closer or stay together I wanted to give you something from my own ups and downs you can practically apply that can help make your relationship better TODAY:
Because really the most important day for your marriage is not yesterday or tomorrow – you can’t do anything about them – but what CAN you do to make your marriage the B E S T today?
That acrostic B E S T forms the central theme and a memorable way to invest in your relationship as you think how to build strong, or build back, to get the BEST.
What does the B stand for? BLESS!
It’s a religious sounding word because most of us are aware of the idea of having a Marriage Blessing, but again, you don’t have to book a church or plan months ahead for a blessing. It starts when you see and receive the other person, with all their differences as a blessing in your life, and then you think ‘How can I BLESS them today in my words and actions?’
You might think, “Well maybe I would if THEY ever did – But a famous verse in scripture says, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” This applies to marriage too. The best relationships focus on what we put into them, not what we get out of them.
What if we thought of our marriages each day like an empty box? We must put something in before we can take anything out. Really, there’s no love in marriage. The love is in people—and we decide where we will put it. There’s no romance, no affection, no kindness there, unless we choose to put it in. The more we put in each day, the more will build up. This is how to be a blessing.
See the other person, as they are because I can’t change YOU, I can only change me, see them as being a blessing to you, not a burden and certainly not a curse!
Then we decide to be a blessing and bless them. How?
Give. Serve. Smile. Help. Cheer.
The book has other practical ideas and questions to go deeper and apply this but in essence you’re a blessing whenever you notice or discover your spouse’s needs and meet them. That can fill your relationship with trust, joy, and happiness.
If your marriage box feels empty, rather than kick it and complain, ask what you can deposit today. You can make investments in your marriage just as you would do at the bank, in a world that is making withdrawals all the time.
So, be a BLESSING – that’s the first part of getting the BEST Marriage. Why settle for less?