Why Validation Cannot Replace Formation

Lately I’ve been hearing and reading stories about people being coached or emotionally supported by AI.

I’m not just talking about it being used as many of us do using for productivity, research or to sound a bit cleverer than what we aktually are…. but genuinely turning to chatbots for encouragement, affirmation, reassurance, even companionship. I remember a conversation about 5 years ago with a friend at CV who told me this was coming and I struggled to see it then but as we speak apps galore exist to be a therapist /cheerleader in your pocket telling you, ‘You are enough…’ – you’re valued and validated, seen and special, morning to night. On demand affirmation to advise and reduce anxiety. You go girl!

I’m no expert (AI isn’t either) but for research purposes I looked at a bunch of such mental health and self-care apps to see what was happening in that space and asked my friend Chat for some life advice too. I was soon swimming in a sea of positive platitudes and home spun ‘wisdom.’

“You are enough”

“You’re amazing just as you are.”

“The cosmos needs your unique energy today.”

I recently heard a talk that touched on this at the Everything Conference whereby the speaker said the problem with having such a narcissistic fake friend is it makes you one too.

Not because encouragement is bad. Everyone needs real encouragement. The Bible is full of it. But encouragement detached from reality, from truth, from growth, from challenge, or relationship is like fluffy pink marshmallows, sweet and comforting for a moment, but empty and even damaging in the long term.

How can an inhuman device that understands and knows nothing about you and your real character meaningfully affirm it? And whether we don’t get it from AI or we don’t get it in real relationships because we engineer them to be only affirming or else we withdraw. The danger is that we confuse feeling validated with becoming resilient.

We’ve Become Uncomfortable With Struggle

I’m not in denial about mental health matters, as a Pastor I’m always deeply connected to support people struggling with genuine trauma, grief and depression – and I see the systems straining to cope with them run by people who are themselves anxious and overloaded.

But part of the problem that the bots are being marched out to help with is that today’s culture increasingly treats discomfort as an emergency (ever tried using Chat for medical advice?). Every setback swiftly becomes a crisis. Every criticism becomes trauma. Every painful emotion must be eliminated immediately.

But if we spent more time even scrolling scripture we’d see God never promises a struggle-free life. Jesus (who, erm, went to a cross) says plainly: “In this world you will have trouble.” – John 16:33

Not might. Will. Years ago I heard Rick Warren say he used to think life was full of ups and downs but now he sees it as twin tracks, good and bad, both rails we must move forward on.

Christian maturity is not built by denial or avoidance difficulty. It’s built by learning how to endure difficulty without losing faith, hope, or love. The Apostle Paul wrote about joy from prison. David worshipped while grieving the loss of a child. The early church grew through pain, pressure and persecution not comfort.

Biblically speaking, resilience is not pretending things don’t hurt if you smile. It is remaining rooted and established in love to persevere when life is not fine.

Validation Cannot Replace Formation

One reason constant affirmation can become unhealthy is because it subtly trains us to centre ourselves in everything.

How do I feel?
How am I perceived?
Am I being appreciated enough?
Validated enough?
Recognised enough?

But the strongest, healthiest people I know are not self obsessed. They are devoted to something – and Someone – bigger: loving others well, serving faithfully, raising families, building and belonging in community, following Christ, and making Him known.

Jesus taught the paradoxical truth that “Whoever loses their life for me will find it.” – Matthew 16:25

Meaning is discovered and resilience delivered through purpose, responsibility, and sacrifice, not endless self-focus.

Faith Prepares Us for Reality

Christianity done right prepares people to face reality without leaving us hopeless. The Bible is as Dr Martyn Lloyd Jones said, is “The most honest book in the world” – about suffering, disappointment, injustice, temptation, grief, and weakness. Yet at the same time it produces people capable of extraordinary courage and endurance.

Nobody really wants suffering so the algorithm will supply validation for my self esteem 24/7 but actually I am missing out because while modern self-care culture says struggle is proof something is wrong, Romans 5 says it can produce perseverance, character, and hope.

Not all pain is ‘soul making’ or meaningful, of course. Some suffering is tragic and deeply unfair or even pointless, and some people seem to have a lot more of it to deal with than others! But hardship itself is not proof that God doesn’t care. Sometimes it is exactly where God does His deepest work.

We Need More Than Artificial Comfort

AI can simulate empathy. Apps can simulate encouragement. Algorithms can simulate care.

Second Corinthians says our God is “the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles.” That comfort was never meant to terminate on ourselves alone, but flow through us to others. Real comfort is relational. It is given and received, embodied and passed on by the Spirit through people who have suffered, loved, stayed, forgiven, and remained present.

Technology can imitate the language of compassion and mirror concern. But while AI it cannot truly know you, Divine Intelligence carries burdens with you, calls you higher, and loves you through it all.

That’s why resilience is ultimately more than learning a new breathing technique for emotional regulation or reading positive reinforcement memes. It is formed and fortified through truth, community, grace, and hope rooted beyond ourselves, taking what’s thrown at us and turning it back to God or to something that improves yourself or helps someone else.

I Can’t See The Future

I can’t see the future, but here’s what else I can’t see: I can’t see how man-made things will ever replace genuine human community with God at the centre, like the church at its best is meant to offer. I can’t see how language models can replace true kindness – when someone genuinely remembers you, prays for you, shows up for you. And however clever AI becomes, I can’t see how it can produce spiritual depth, truth, repentance, sacrifice, forgiveness, courage, or hope.

That can’t be downloaded.
It has to be formed.

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