Most Christians know they should pray.
Many of us – especially I suspect those in leadership in the church – really want to pray MORE – and grow in our prayer life. We read the books from the great ‘prayers’ of history. Yet I for one have to own up that even so prayer can feel confusing, frustrating, or disappointing as we ask:
- Was that long enough?
- Why do I get distracted so easily?
- Why don’t I see more answers?
- What difference are my prayers actually making?
But perhaps the biggest question is:
What if prayer isn’t only effective if I see it as changing circumstances? What if prayer is God’s primary way of changing me?
Seen like this, prayer is not simply about a spiritual transaction, but spiritual formation.
1. Relationship Before Request
Jesus didn’t teach His disciples a technique to get answers. When I was a child I was taught to memorise the Lord’s Prayer but I thought of it as some kind of magic words formula that as I hit my teenage years wasn’t as all sure ‘worked’ so I gave up reciting it.
But look again at where we begin:
“Our Father…”
Not religion, not requests – it starts with relationship.
Before we ask for daily bread, forgiveness, guidance, or protection, we remember who God is (our Dad) and who we are (His kids). If we never forget that, we will have learned the biggest and most important ‘secret’ of prayer. That our Father loves to lavish his love upon us.
Prayer is not learning the right words or way to persuade a reluctant God to do what we want.
It’s enjoying a relationship with a loving Father who is delighted to know that we want to know Him.
One reason prayer feels difficult is when we approach it as a task rather than a relationship.
2. Aligning Our Will With God’s Will
Most of us begin prayer with our agenda, Jesus began with:
“Your kingdom come. Your will be done.”
Prayer isn’t bending God to bless our plans – it’s allowing God to reshape our desires around His purposes.
This happens when we delight in Him – He gives US, the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4) Not by always giving us what we want – that would make us spoilt kids, but as he shares His desires when we pray, our ambitions, fears, priorities, and motivations are brought into alignment with the heart of God.
3. Make Space for God to Speak
Many times we want dramatic experiences, a burning bush, a supernatural sign, an audible voice.
Yet more often than not I find God just listens to my heart as I listen to his in the quiet place inside.
If he does speak – it can come through impressions, convictions, Scripture, wisdom, and quiet nudges of the Holy Spirit.
Either way, we’ll struggle spiritually until we slow down enough to listen. I am finding it’s often only when I am quiet enough to hear my own heartbeat, I’m getting quiet enough to hear His too. I don’t need to be heard for my many words (Matt 6:7)
Rather, as the Psalmist tells us: “Be still and know that I am God.”
The silence I’m talking about isn’t empty, it feels like I am finally getting filled with what will satisfy my soul. I’m reading the works of some (17th French and Spanish mystics like Michael Molinos that are really helping me with this and I’ll say some more about that soon on my podcast!
4. Prayer Reveals What’s Happening Inside Us
As we simply remain and abide in God’s presence we discover:
- hidden fears
- pride
- bitterness
- anxiety
- misplaced trust
That can be uncomfortable! But just turning it back to Him is where real soul formation happens.
I often pray that like David I want to be known as a man after God’s own heart – the Lord did not say that about David because he was perfect, but because he was honest, and it’s in learning to just sit in peaceful connection with my Lord I realise that I am accepted and loved enough to have my heart changed.
Whatever storm is blowing outside of me, there’s a fortress inside my heart, and in there is a throne. In prayer, I have to look at that throne and see what or who is on it right now, and if it’s anyone or anything but Jesus – He wants to sit there and rule from that place.
5. Prayer Changes How We Live
On the podcast recently my friend James Aladiran of Prayer Storm said – ‘If Jesus needed to pray – that should tell us something!’
Jesus had three years of ministry during which he spent hours, days, months in prayer. Yet He never appeared hurried, distracted, or reactive.
Prayer gave Him clarity, direction to only do what the Father wanted Him to do (watch The Chosen and notice how often the actor playing Him looks up!).
The same is true for us.
Prayer doesn’t remove every challenge, but it can change how we face them.
Hours with God make every minute more effective.
Prayer and Spiritual Formation
We miss the point completely if we think spiritual formation is primarily about acquiring knowledge about God. It’s either about becoming more like Jesus, or it’s useless.
Reading Scripture is key (and I love it). Community is vital. Serving is a blessing. But prayer is the thread that weaves through all of them.
Without dynamic and relational prayer, Christianity is just another religion and nothing really changes. With prayer and faith, anything can change.
Find Out More On My Podcast
On recent episodes of the Launch Podcast, I’m exploring prayer, spiritual formation, and intimacy with God through conversations with trusted friends, leaders and practitioners. These discussions – subscribe so you don’t miss any – all reinforce something I’ve observed for years: mature Christians aren’t necessarily those who know the most, but those who have learned to live with an ongoing awareness of God’s presence.
In the coming weeks we’ll continue exploring these themes, because prayer isn’t merely one spiritual discipline among many – it’s the relational environment in which all spiritual growth and impact happens.
FAQ
Why is prayer important for spiritual growth?
Prayer deepens our relationship with God, aligns us with His purposes, and creates space for miraculous transformation through the Holy Spirit.
What should I do when prayer feels difficult?
Sit still, just a while longer. Don’t listen to the voice that says ‘This isn’t working.’ God loves your intention to want to be there with Him! Use Scripture, silence, and honest conversation rather than trying to find perfect words.
Does prayer change God or change me?
BOTH! Scripture shows that God responds to prayer from ordinary people like us when we believe – and prayer also changes us by shaping our desires, priorities, and character.
How did Jesus teach His followers to pray?
When His disciples asked how to pray – Jesus taught them to start to grow the relationship with worship, to seek God’s kingdom first, ask for daily provision, practise forgiveness, request protection for spiritual opposition and depend on God for guidance as we live for His glory.
How has prayer shaped your life?
I’d love to hear your experience in the comments. And if you’d like to go deeper, listen to the latest episodes of Anthony Delaney’s Launch Podcast, where we’re exploring prayer, spiritual formation, and learning to walk with God in everyday life.
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