What I’m describing is one of the most common and least-talked-about issues in leadership.
From our earliest days — as babies searching for our mother’s face — we are formed by the desire to be wanted, chosen, noticed, and valued unconditionally. That search doesn’t stop when we become adults. It doesn’t stop when we become leaders. If anything, leadership amplifies it.
We’ll do extraordinary things looking for love. Sometimes beautiful things. Sometimes deeply damaging things. The heart’s search for love doesn’t just influence us — it forms us.
Where we look for love, and whether we find it, is where our identity gets shaped.
Some leaders look for it in performance: “If I achieve enough, I’ll be okay.”
Others in people’s approval: “If they like me, I’ll like myself.”
Some chase perfection: “If I can just get it right, I’ll be enough.”
Others pursue popularity: “If enough people follow me, I’ll feel secure.”
